Bullying on the bus

One of my kids came home and told me of a situation that occurred at her high school. A friend of hers in art class was distraught and upon asking what was wrong, she was let into a piece of this girl's pain. The girl was on the bus riding to school when the incident happened. Though there is a camera running at all times, it only serves to catch incidents of physical violence or mischief. It does nothing to stop the most common type of bullying which is verbal.  A boy the girl had once "messed around" with started picking on her to anyone who would listen. He called her horrible names and said that her vagina smelled of rotten fish. The sexual innuendo succeeded in attracting everyone's attention.

Her red face led many to believe that what he said was true. Others on the bus either openly joined in by calling her names or they joined in by participating in passive bullying; laughing and gossiping.  Passive bullying often leaves the offender feeling not as guilty even though they laughed and may have even told the rumor to others. Throughout her day this girl was called fish and she felt whispered about by others. By art class, she had had enough and was on the verge of tears. Condolences and meaningless sayings such as "no one will remember", "their just jerks, ignore them" did little to fix the pain.

When I hear of a bullying incident my first reaction is anger. What is wrong with these kids? Why isn't the school doing more? Where are the bully's parents? After all, who hasn't heard of the school shootings that seem to have bullying and cruelty at the heart? Though anger is a normal reaction, it is a wasted one because it does no good. Anger only begets anger, retaliation only continues the cycle, punishment only further incenses the bully; all of these have been tried before and have failed. The school can hang posters and have seminars but if there are children in the school who have emotional and self-esteem issues, bullying will continue. The only thing that will work is Love and Compassion for all involved. A bully is usually hurting just as much as the child bullied. Bully's need to be asked "Why do you hate yourself so much, that you hurt other people?” Children who are secure in their world don't need to make others feel small. What is happening in a bully's world that makes them want to strike out to others? These are the questions that need to be asked and dealt with. That which we resist only grows stronger. Punishing someone who is punishing others does NOTHING to break the cycle.

Anti-bullying campaigns that focus on punishment and isolation don’t have a good track record. It only perpetuates the bully's feelings of inadequacy and fuels anger. What we need to do is have programs in school that develop a child's self-esteem. Children need to learn that they are special and valued for being good, decent people. If they are not getting this message at home, then the school needs to be teaching it. Healthy self-esteem, not ego, helps children to learn empathy and compassion. It also bully proofs your children so that they will not allow another person to make them feel less than. No one escapes the damage done by bullying, not the bully, the victim, the passive bully, nor the bystander. We are all tainted by the negativity and violence.

Recent reports of drownings

It breaks my heart to hear of all the recent reports of people, especially children drowning this summer. On news sites people can leave comments and I find that too many of those comments are aimed at judging the parents. Our sense of justice demands to know who is responsible for this tragedy happening. The comments range from "What were the parents doing?" "Parents are too busy texting, reading or talking to watch their children" "These parents should be charged with the child's death." Oh we are so quick to judge, if someone is responsible for neglect then the same thing can't possibly happen to us. It gives us a false sense of security and allows us to believe that something similar couldn't happen to us.

When swimming all it takes is for you to breathe in when you should breathe out. Your lungs fill with water and you go down. There was a drowning on the Chester River, an adult jumped in from a boat to save a child who was having problems. He jumped in and never resurfaced. He didn't hit his head, have a heart attack or something equally dramatic. All he did was inhale as he hit the water instead of blowing out. Simple and tragic. A life jacket would have brought him to the surface where hopefully someone would have been able to help him.

When boating it is mandatory for kids to wear life jackets and many think that it should be mandatory when swimming. I can completely understand why kids don't want to wear the typical life jacket. They ride up and make you feel like you are choking unless there is that strap between the legs. However, life jackets with the crotch strap are only made for those 35 lbs and under. I have a toddler that loves the water and hates life jackets. We found a good solution in the "Stearns Puddle Jumper", it is coast guard approved and wraps around their chest and on their arms. She can sit in the boat without it choking her and she can swim freely with it on.  Are life jackets full proof? No. Even with a life jacket an unconscious person could go face down and inhale water. What they do is allow a struggling person to float and be seen so that help can get to them quickly. Does this guarantee survival? No. Tragedy can strike us when we least expect it. All we can do is try to prepare for the "what if's", but that does not ensure that it won't happen. I hope and pray that such a horrible event does not happen in my life, but if it does, I hope that people are compasionate and caring, not judgemental.

stearns deluxe puddle jumper

Stearns Deluxe Puddle Jumper Elephant 30-50 lbs. by Stearns

Buy new: $38.77 $27.31

 

Perfect horoscope - this couldn't have been funnier!

My husband was in a local sandwich shop with a guy he had recently started working with. They were working on a construction job nearby. While standing in line, Tim, my husband's helper for the week, picked up the local paper and flipped to the horoscope www.sallybrompton.com and proceeded to read his out loud. He then asked Dan for his sign and then read his horoscope out loud :

Sagittarius:
Sometimes you have no choice but to work with people who rub you the wrong way, and one such person will be at your side throughout the coming week. Don't be too hard on them - they can't help being stupid.

Tim looked shocked and said "So Now I am Stupid!" LOL - it couldn't have been funnier if it was planned.  Priceless!